Truth or Dare!
by xxFreakshow
Summary: Just another typical Truth or Dare fanfic. Unlikely participants, sarcasm, death wishes, sarcasm, revealing kisses, sarcasm, impossible spells, sarcasm, gay sex in public, sarcasm & more.


_**Truth or Dare?!**_

_**Chapter 1: On with the show.**_

"Terminus Violencio!"

Everyone stopped fighting against their will. Even Voldemort and Harry broke off their epic battle. A crowd of people had assembled in the Great Hall to settle this once and for all. Miraculously, no one had died yet. It was like a naïvely optimistic fanfiction by a twelve-year-old-girl.

"What the hell was that?"

"A no violence spell," Hermione replied casually.

"_What_?"

"It stops everyone in the room from doing anything violent or escaping."

"But we were in the middle of the epic final battle!"

"Too bad! You'll just have to find a way to solve this without violence." She flopped down on the bare floor. Everyone in the room looked at Hermione unbelievingly. She can't be serious?

"Well, since we're all stuck here and talking it out is not an option… Let's play truth or dare!" someone called out. Everyone looked around to see who could possibly suggest something that ludicrous. Ginny Weasley?! Everyone was too shocked to speak. Then Ginny grinned and said, "Silence is compliance! You've all just agreed!"

A murmur of protest broke out. Voldemort's voice could clearly be heard over everyone else's protests. "There is no way in hell I will ever take part in such Muggle stupidity!"

Three minutes later everyone was sitting around in a circle. For the convenience of this plot, Ginny had _somehow_ managed to get every single person to play. "Excellent! I'll start. Lucius Malfoy!" Lucius looked like he wanted to jump off the Astronomy tower, "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," he spat.

"Of course," Ginny quickly cast a truth spell, because it simply is not a proper game without a truth spell, "Hmm, what could I ask?" she pondered, "Are you wearing your wife's underwear?" She grinned wickedly. Always start with something funny and embarrassing and leave it to the next person to choose something embarrassing and romantically confusing.

"… Yes."

Everyone positively howled at this. Except the other Malfoys. Draco looked at the floor and Narcissa turned slightly pink. Lucius patiently waited until they were done laughing. In the meantime, he chose the next victim. "Hermione Granger," she looked alarmed, "truth or dare?"

She seemed to be weighing the pros and the cons of both options against each other in her head. "We're waiting," Lucius looked as evil as ever.

"Dare."

"Oooooh," the crowd chorused in anticipation.

Of course Lucius chose the dare that none of these games is complete without. They've all seen it before, but they never seemed to think it got old. "Kiss the person you find the most attractive." Collective gasp.

Hermione immediately regretted her choice. She sat frozen, as everyone watched her. "It's okay, 'Mione," Harry tried to comfort her, "We all know who it is anyway." Hermione took a deep breath, walked in his direction and snogged Ron mercilessly.

"What?!" Harry was dumbfounded, "But I thought… I meant me," he wailed.

"You're so _delusional_, Potter," Voldemort was delighted at Harry's misery, "It has been so painfully obvious from the start that those two were made for each other, even _I_ could see that." Hermione and Ron broke apart dramatically.

"He's right, you know," Hermione said.

"Sorry mate," Ron couldn't help but smile at his victory. Harry crossed his arms and angsted in silence.

Then Snape cried out "What about me?! You were supposed to respect my extensive knowledge and appreciate me more than anyone else! Then you would gradually start to fall in love with me and try to break through all of my walls. I would start to tolerate you and then fall in love with you, but believe that you could never love someone like me. Eventually you would succeed as you always do and make me happier than I've ever been!"

"Dream on, Severus," Voldemort said in a fake bored voice, "What is this, fanfiction? On with the show." Snape followed Harry's example.

Hermione was sitting in Ron's lap by now. Naturally, they had abruptly become a couple. "Draco Malfoy!" his head finally snapped up, "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," he hoped he could avoid the embarrassment Ginny had bestowed upon his father.

"Same thing your father asked me," she replied. Everyone knew those same type of dares had to drag through the whole game.

Draco glared daggers at her. Reluctantly, he got up and walked to The Boy Who Lived. This time Lucius hung his head in shame. Another collective gasp. Pansy's eyes were looking unusually bright. And then Draco snogged Harry like both of their lives depended on it. Harry was hesitant at first, but suddenly realized he was gay and kissed back passionately. Their hands were everywhere. It was becoming very inappropriate. Ginny tore her eyes away and cried silently. "'Cause it's Draco and Harry sitting in a tree, S-N-O-G-G-I-N-G," a few girls started singing.

"ENOUGH!" Voldemort bellowed, "Enough displaying of affection! Stop it! NOW!" Everyone ignored him. Draco had pushed Harry down and was now lying on top of him. They started undressing each other. They must have just suddenly fallen in love. People were averting their eyes.

"I said STOP IT! Respect my authority, damn it!" Voldemort looked funny. It seemed that he was… Melting. Draco and Harry were doing very naughty things by now. They had obviously forgotten that they were surrounded by people. The whole romantic "The world completely faded away" thing. Voldemort's eyes seemed glued to them. And he melted away. When both of the boys had achieved their happy moment, all that was left of Voldemort were his robes, wand and a single eyeball. All the "good" people cheered as the boys dressed again. Most of the Death Eaters actually seemed relieved that their master was gone.

"Well done, Harry!" Dumbledore cheered along, "Lemon drops for everyone!"

Bellatrix wailed and threw herself at Voldemort's remains. She cried and cried, while most of the others celebrated. How could Voldemort have left her? She was _obviously_ the only thing he had ever really cared about. After about four hours of celebration and in Bella's case, sadness, Hermione's spell was still working. Bellatrix was finally out of tears and pulled herself together. She had to avenge her master.

"Stop celebrating now! Just because the Dark Lord died it doesn't mean that this game is over," she cackled, "It's not over by a long shot."

They only obeyed her because they were secretly enjoying the game. "I believe it was your turn, Draco?"

* * *

**Author's Notes:** _Because I wanted to write something sarcastic, stupid and pointless. Too. Much. Serious. Stories. It's probably not funny at all, but I did reach my goal xD And I had fun writing it. Review if you want to. Or go read something serious and dramatic. Whatever._

**Disclaimer:** _Puppets borrowed from J.K.R. The tiny references are for you to figure out. _


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